*** AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT ***
Bio
My name is JD Stockholm. I was a victim of child abuse… That sentence was incredibly difficult to write. Two years ago it wouldn’t have been possible. I’d rather have written, I was a co-conspirator in my child abuse. Slowly I am learning that I was the victim.
I write my journey through words, poems or simply letting the child inside talk. Little Jamie was given a voice some years ago by my therapist, who thought that he needed to talk. She asked him to write to her, and when he started, he didn’t stop.
I have many problems as a result of my childhood. Some are simply understanding the things that happened to me; but also mental health issues. For a long time, I thought that I was bad and I was alone in everything. I’ve since found that isn’t true.
Anyone reading the Dear Teddy stories, please sit, listen and hold Jamie’s hand as he talks. If you were a childhood superhero like Jamie was, then know you are not alone.
Dear Teddy (Book 1)
Mr. Ted.
I keep falling asleep. Bad things happen. I get sore all the time. But I don’t know why. My mum says it’s a demon. Because I got evil. Please make me be good.
Where does an abused child turn when he has no one to talk to? Believing that he is evil and meant to be a victim, he tells his horrific journey to his only friend, Mr. Ted. The boy is five. In his own words through the compelling pages of his journal, he writes in terrific detail of unspeakable abuse forced upon him by his parents. Through manipulation and control, he is moulded into a creation of their own design. Fear follows close behind in the guise of the “bad man.”
His voice is no longer silent.
..
Little boy little boy,
Curled in a ball.
I know your secrets,
I know them all
I write in my journal as much as I can. I talk to Mr. Ted. He is my only friend. He understands when the bad man comes. He holds my hand when I have nightmares and my mummy doesn't hear me cry. Mr. Ted doesn’t tell. He won’t say when my daddy hurts me. He keeps my secrets and my stories. I love Mr. Ted. He is the only one who loves me back.
Curled in a ball.
I know your secrets,
I know them all
I write in my journal as much as I can. I talk to Mr. Ted. He is my only friend. He understands when the bad man comes. He holds my hand when I have nightmares and my mummy doesn't hear me cry. Mr. Ted doesn’t tell. He won’t say when my daddy hurts me. He keeps my secrets and my stories. I love Mr. Ted. He is the only one who loves me back.
Telling Teddy (Book 2)
Mr. Ted holds the hand of his six-year-old friend as they share more of his deepest secrets. Poignant and bold, the boy’s courageous words are detailed and real. He takes you farther into his abusive life and broken mind as he survives the tangled deceit and lies of his everydays. Sit alongside him. Hear his voice and listen with your heart as he opens it up once more.
Snippet: I put the spoon on the paper towel. But it has to face the right way. I make it face the right way. All in a straight line and nice and neat. Like my mum said.
One. Two. Three. Knife. Fork. Spoon. Not the paper towel. Paper towel makes me say four. Four is bad. It makes the bad man come and get me. I don’t ever say four.
Stupid Boy (Book 3)
Stupid Boy is the third instalment of Dear Teddy, and continues the pain-filled journey of a seven-year old boy through his horrific childhood of abuse. In his own words, he shows you his scars and tells you the lies that he believes; every page an accounting of the deliberate destruction of a child by those he loves and the strangers he is forced to please.
His gentle spirit will reach out and amaze you with its strength. Wrap your arms around him as he opens his heart once more and shares his life with you.
His story continues…
His story continues…
Snippet: ” I am a stupid boy, with stupid hair and stupid clothes. I am always stupid, forever. My badness comes out and makes it all stupid. I don’t tell Mr. Ted though. He is my friend. We go outside and we get to play. We chop up all the bad people with our swords. We play with Andrew too. He is magic, he is invisible. He doesn’t know that I am Stupid Boy. Nobody ever wants Stupid Boy.”
Goodbye Teddy (Book 4)
This journey has been an odd one; I didn’t even know I was on it. Dear Teddy was born out of a conversation with my therapist at the time, a way for the child to speak after so many years of silence and being locked away in the dark. Once I gave him a pen and told him it was okay for him to talk, he didn’t stop. He had so much to say, and he did.
Goodbye Teddy is the fourth and final book in the Dear Teddy series, as with the previous books; it is told through the eyes of the child. He asks you to walk with him as he shows you his world. This is a tale of child abuse in all forms. Every page takes you through the horrific events and the ways he came to survive them. It shows you the betrayal by those very people that should have protected him; his mother and father.
Listen as he shares his secrets, his fears, his hopes and dreams. Laugh with him, cry with him, but don’t stop or close your eyes.
Snippet: I sit on the cushions. I look at my dad’s bottle of petrol. Maybe I can drink it. It is poison. My dad says it is. He shouts when my brother plays in there. Because there is lots of things and it is poison and can make him die and go to heaven. I look at it lots of times. Maybe I can drink it all down. I think about it inside. Maybe it tastes nice. I like how it smells. Maybe it doesn’t taste very bad.
I reach over and get it. I open it. It smells nice. Maybe I can count. Not to four, though. Four is very bad. I count to three. One, two, three. Then I can drink it and I can go away and then everyone is happy about it.
One.
Two.
Three.
I lift the bottle up and then I put it at my mouth. I don’t tip it yet. I don’t keep the crying part away. I don’t ever be any good. “Drink it.” I say it very bad to myself. “Drink it. Drink it.”
Dear Mr. Ted (Boxset 1-4)
Poetry
Dark Ramblings of the Phoenix
The Dear Teddy Series of books by JD Stockholm
** Based on a true story. Please read with caution if you have been a victim of abuse in any way.
However some things may have been changed for clarity, and of course names and places have been changed for privacy.
Young Jamie takes us on his horrific journey of abuse, neglect and despair, inflicted by the hands of those who should love and cherish this beautiful young boy, his parents. With no-one to turn to, he shares his deepest thoughts and fears with his one true friend his teddy bear, who is his silent companion and protector.
Beautifully written and told in the words of the child. Graphic in its depiction, not only is the Author telling us his story, he wants us to sit up and be aware of what is going on in the world around us.
Anyone reading The Dear Teddy stories, please sit, listen and hold Jamie’s hand as he talks. If you were a childhood superhero like Jamie was, then know you are not alone.
An excerpt from Sometimes I Cannot Find the Words, taken from Dark Ramblings of the Phoenix
Sometimes I cannot find the words
To tell you what you’ve done
The pain and anger that’s inside
Created by you, mum
Why was I not enough?
So that you’d leave me whole
The one that you gave a life
Then stole it from my soul
It wasn’t me that did it to you
It was my dad that made you cry
The one that beat and forced you
Did you love me? Did you try?
-
If I should die Today
While writing the Dear Teddy series, JD Stockholm experienced many vivid thoughts. Some came to him in sleep while others seemed to appear at random through his musings. He had time travelled, in a way, to a place where the darkness of his abusive childhood occurred and alongside, also came the dark and sometimes painful reflections.
These are the second collection of such thoughts, a continuation of The Dark Ramblings of the Phoenix.
They are real and raw; emotionally explicit and even occasionally, healing. Walk with him through his poetic journey as he takes you to those tiny cracks that most of us will never see.
Note: Please take special care that the writings in this book may be explicit in nature. If you have been abused in any way they may be triggering for you. Be considerate to yourself while you read.
These are the second collection of such thoughts, a continuation of The Dark Ramblings of the Phoenix.
They are real and raw; emotionally explicit and even occasionally, healing. Walk with him through his poetic journey as he takes you to those tiny cracks that most of us will never see.
Note: Please take special care that the writings in this book may be explicit in nature. If you have been abused in any way they may be triggering for you. Be considerate to yourself while you read.
How do you heal a heart that is broken from all those things, gone and unspoken?
How do you cure the pain that’s inside, the things that hurt, the times when I died?
How do you sooth the wondering soul, could you stitch it together, make it whole?
How do you reach out to that child that’s within, when he’s hiding, how do you begin?
How do you break free from this aching sadness, torn inside, lost in madness?
How do you repair the innocence taken, lost, damned, so long forsaken?
How do you find yourself when you’re lost, to battle and win without any cost?
How do you ease the damaged mind, with eyes that see, no longer blind?
How do you fix those things that are wrong, with strength and courage? I’m not that strong.
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